When you think you love a Narcissist, when you think your world revolves around them, when you believe there is no one like else like them, when your on a high of happiness that only they can seem to bring to you, are you really in love with them, or just totally blindsided by the fantasy that they make you believe is real? I honestly believed I was very much in love with mine. I experienced real and true love before. This wasn’t my first time, I was not young and foolish, it wasn’t infatuation, my feelings were very real . I felt contentment and so much happiness, at least at the beginning. Until I had to question in my head, and not my heart things that just didn’t feel right, my gut instincts told me things were not as they appeared, was I actually loving a fantasy, were my feelings exaggerated by something I had longed for, and wanted back in my life again? Is this how I missed the signs of the true Narcissist/Sociopath at his con and manipulation of me. Was I really the one living the fantasy or did my charmer hypnotize me into believing that he was my knight in shinning armor and instead he pulled me into his fantasy world? I ask myself so many questions and this is one as crazy as it sounds could have been how he was able to manipulate me and turn my world upside down. We as woman love romance and we all have our fantasies of our perfect man, perfect relationship, perfect love. We are seduced by people all the time, not always as a sexual nature, but we are seduced with mind games. The Narc/Socio being romantic, passionate, loving, caressing, erotic, sensual, and oh, so convincing of the attention they want to shower you with. The hugs, kisses, caresses, the deep soul penetrating looks as they look into your eyes. Oh yes, those things that we crave and long for, they hit on every imaginable one , they sneak into our senses, our bodies, and in the depths of our minds. Then we absorb it all in like a sponge taking in every ounce of affection and all the romance they are willing to give us. They want to make a good impression and they do at first. But their planned out charade of sweeping you off your feet eventually comes to a halt, and the deceitful liar and manipulator comes into your perfect world and blows the romantic fantasy all to hell.
I have tried repeatedly to figure out where these masters of deceit learned to be so convincing and manipulating. Does it really stem from a brain malfunction, is it the genes, is it learned behavior, is it from upbringing or abuse? I am so convinced that my charmer knew everything he was doing. I believe they study each victim at length, to see what plan they can put into action or what lengths they can go to, to achieve their ultimate goal of charming their victims into their twisted fantasy of life. Once conned into this world I believe we start living their fantasy, and once they have us, they abuse and take whatever they can for their own satisfaction, and they do not care how much we love them, how much they hurts us, or how destroyed we are afterwards, they achieve what they set out to do with no repercussions, no compassion, no empathy, and no soul, which makes them evil. Once victimized they gloat in their glory of power over their victims, this is where I believe there are malfunctions in the brains of these monsters. Normal people don’t just don’t do these things. I think they get so caught up in their cons, that it becomes their whole world and they think nothing is wrong with their entitlements and manipulations, to them this is normal behavior, which we know is not, and it is not acceptable. It’s all about taking , using, and abusing for them, the power and high that it gives them, being in control, and never showing any love or empathy, because it simply does not exist in their world. For most, once their con is up they repeat with new victims.They just keep going until when? Does it ever stop, do they get caught, do they get help, do they feel guilty or have remorse ever? Well I believe the answer is pretty much a big NO!!!!
To this day my charmer still is going around doing the same thing he did to me, his ex-fiance, and countless others before us. I doubt that he will ever stop, he thinks he is normal and above others. I truly feel bad for the person he is with now, or victim I should say. I want to warn her about him and all his deceit. I know this type of abuse needs to stop. If I tried to let her know, would she believe me, no one ever wants to believe someone is capable of such things. I know I didn’t, I was in shock and so much disbelief about someone I loved and trusted. I still find it hard to believe the lengths he went to, to hide and do all the things he did behind my back, the lies straight to my face. It still hurts when I think about how much I believed him. I still replay things in my mind to see if I could have known sooner, or caught him, if I could have been more aware, or smarter. Looking back no matter how smart I am, no matter how much I trusted, him, no matter how much I believed in him, and no matter how much I loved him, I think the result would have been the same. He was really good, in fact almost too good to be detected, he is a master of manipulation. This was my first experience with someone like this , how was I to know? He was so believable and so convincing to others, he had already turned his family against me with a bunch of bullshit lies before he left my house, without my knowledge. He had to cover his ass in case I found out the truth and he went above and beyond to make sure they didn’t want anything to do with me. So, no matter what I would say they wouldn’t beleive me and they didn’t of course. But I know the truth. My truth of him has set me free no matter what anyone thinks, he has no truth so he will never be free, never. I do believe his lies will catch up with him someday. There is this thing called Karma and for all those he victimized he will pay, and I tried to calculate just how many he victimized , my estimation is there could be hundreds, imagine how many times Karma will bite him in the ass. His fantasy world will crumble , yes I do believe he lives in a fantasy world. I am so glad I escaped his fantasy world. I’m glad I didn’t live with him too long in it, I can honestly say I did love a Narcissist and I did love a fantasy, a fantasy that wasn’t real. but I now know the experience from it and I do not want to experience that ever again. I know the difference and I am so glad to be living in my world, which is the real world and my fantasies of a knight in shinning armor only exists in fairy tales.
For anyone who has been victimized by a Narc/Socio, I hope you are the road to recovery and not stuck in their make-believe fantasy world. I hope you are strong and living your life for you. You count, you deserve happiness, joy, and peace in your life. If your stuck and don’t know how to leave or get out of your situation, seek help from a professional, friend, or family member. You will regain your control over your life and not at the hands of someone else. I know its difficult but once you take that step, you will have the courage to make your life better and yes, you deserve that and so much more. Hell yes you do!!!! My life is getting so much better and if I can be an inspiration and help someone then it makes it all the better for me too. We are not alone against these evil monsters, as I always say there is strength in numbers and if we can stand together, maybe these NPD’s wont be able to break through our walls and leave us defenseless and broken. Tell everyone you know about this disorder, so we can get this very real sickness out there and stop them from victimizing and destroying people’s lives. Thank you for reading my blog. Stay Strong!!!!!